Emotional Fufilment

I hardly have anal sex. When I talk about it to my friends and they always ask me why shouldn't I do it. The reasons being are just I don't know how to enjoy it when my emotion is not ready. I'm just not ready for it when comes to just a flirting-one-night-stand. And to my friend's surprise that I can have active "sexual activities" but without having F**cking.

It's been all the while like that. I don't find it difficult neither be cranky of having without it. Very few people I met whom I felt, yes I'm ready and give in to it.

It's all in your mind. This is what people always say.

I think emotionally I am always occupied. Either is the previous relationship or the currents. Once those memories were archived, like the "ex-boyfriends'," they don't really come to obsess me but unconciously they make me compare the current encounters with them. If is it not better, why should I have it then?

About the current. I have somebody in mind. Somebody with potential. But not tangible enough to jump in for a relationship and yet not intangible enough for me to keep it aside (somebody said the similar).

I'm in the middle of this situation; the comunication appeals to me and it seems heading to a very much positive posibility. But yet the distance is a definite tangible situation that I really have to learn how to handle it.

How ah how ah? annnchuah? reminds me of cow-girl.

Anyway, somebody is off for his sister birthday party; I'll chooose to have a warmy dinner with my pals, at home for this weekend. It is as well another kind of emotional fufilment, isn't it?