Not so Simple Plan

Sometime ago AJ wrote something about having children around. The last weekend I went back to hometown in Johor for a friend's wedding. Eldest sister in Singapore came back as well. Mainly because it's been quite sometime we've not seen each other. My bro-in-law is manly and caring as usual; in his mid 30s, for a straight man, whom is still quite a nice and desirable man. I could still see small little gestures between my sis and bro-in-law sometimes- gestures of love, after a marriage of 11years.

Instinctively, I always find I am closer to my eldest sis' children. Perhaps we were all born in the same month, or the frequency just flows well in among us. The younger boy, Maxi, 3 and a half year old, is a lovely boy. He is trained at home and school in such an independent way; for instance he rejected my offer to bring him down from the baby chair, he slowly managed himself to get down from there. He shares things with people; at this age, sharing food is one of his way of showing affection. The Saturday night, we had quite a fun time together; getting late, time to go to bed, Maxi asked me to sleep with him, pulling my hand - as my sis said before, he has these gestures to make people melt for him.

Sunday afternoon, after the wedding luncheon, I was waiting for my friend to come and pick me up, coming back to KL. I spent the last moment with Maxi, hugging him, on my belly, watching TV together. I guessed he was tired, after the whole morning of running-playing, he fell asleep in less than 20min time.
- It simply felt nice having a child falling asleep in your arms. It is the humanly nature.
I carried him to the room, watching him, lying him comfortably on the bed.
At that moment, I really wished I had a child like Maxi.
And I read about Mikey's latest post -
Yes, this is the life I want, holding hands with my loved one on the street, kiss him whenever, wherever I want to tell him I love him - probably having children if our life conditions allow it.
But because of I'm homosexual and all these become complicated.
I don't care how people will look at us but by doing these here I will get persecuted legally. I can't fight with the law; that stops everything.

I used to think I would be a gay-movement activist.
Perhaps one day I really will.