Crushing a fling

As though my mourning was heard. I met somebody.

21 May. Yes, I thought It would just an one night thing but I got carried away.
An Irish guy, 37 year old, teaching art history in a University in Bangkok, working and holidaying in KL for a month - we had conversation for 4 hours before we started to do anything.
It was awkward - I normally can't go on with somebody like that. We talked so much, getting a bit too friendly - even though I would just leave without having sex, I would just be fine.
Oh yes, it's been a while, and the purpose of having logged into gay.com was meant to find a sexcapade. Perhaps he couldn't hold on or he found me appealing - physically - he prompted the question, "it's perfectly alright if you want to stay on a little - do you want to take a shower?"

It was made clear. That's it. I spent the night at his place.

For the next 10 days we saw each other frequently. And I met up with his 10 years Thai boyfriend whom came to KL for 3 days for a short visit. Yes, he is attached. They're living and attached in UK for 5 years and another 5 years since back to Bangkok. Both of them are very much art persons - both hold Phd. In Fine Arts.

Don't get me wrong I wasn't into threesome with them - no matter whether the boyfriend thought I could be just one of the art persons that his boyfriend met or consciously he sort of knew that I was probably his boyfriend's fling - I was trying to be accommodating enough, to have brought them around.
I didn't want to meet the boyfriend because I couldn't help not to think that I would be talking to his boyfriend and at the same my mind would be flashing of the intimate moments that I just spent with the his boyfriend. Anyway, I can't help my accommodating nature, I met them, both of them.

I have been single, and I always wish I could meet up a potential art person of possible for a relationship. Someone whom understands my passion towards arts.

I shouldn't have got myself carried away. Talking about arts, talking about my work, there're many possibilities I could work out art projects with this Irish in future. I don't know how we're to face each other again till the next time we meet. We promised to keep in touch. Mainly just for work - and friendship. Could it be guaranteed that we would keep it as it is, not to cross the borderline again? I don't know. We don't know each other, I see no reason, no rational, no logic I should fall for him, I got over him quite fast after he left on 31 May.

26 May - exactly 1 year I know Harry. It's been a year - time flies. He is seeing somebody, as usual, he kept me updated. 30 May, when B, the Irish guy, I showed him the pocket-size Harry's picture - and cut it into pieces, threw if off out of the window. He was shocked and tried to stop me from doing that. It's ok - Harry asked me long ago not to keep his photo in my wallet, it won't do me good, but I still kept it. Too long I have kept myself, too long I have kept him - it's time to really let go.


People that I seem to like and seem to have possibilities to love don't stay. It's been like that for the past 2 years.

I am just another passionate guy who needs somebody passionate - whom understands my passion, passion towards arts. Intelligent enough to have the same wavelength.

2 days ago I called Phil, the neurologist Professor in New Jersey.
It is sad to know that somebody who is thousand miles away understands me. Another rice queen may be suitable for a potato queen like me.

Life is such a drama.