Struggling with Platonic Sentiments

Oh dear it's been nearly 2 months I didn't blog.
Time flies.

It is more than 2 months I know Brian, the Irish guy.
21/05/06 17:23:51 SNW/SBG Maxis Central 017 XXXXXXX
That was the first called I made to him.

I guess things are moving well for us that he asked me to give my opinion about the art scene in Malaysia. It should be an honour for me - a young art consultant to have a chance to say something like that. Yes, back to our common interest, or to say Art, my work - it is better that way, without thinking much "how about I and him". I was thinking about the moment we spent together... it was kind of funny, how it got carried away; as Brian said, "you might find it funny if you try to recall "the emotionals" sometime later."

15 July I met Paul - after nearly 2 months. The very first time he came to my house. Mutual sex, no penetration - my common practice. I just don't go all the way, we didn't even have a complete oral sex; perhaps he is guilty, perhaps this is the way he upholds his commitment for his relationship; Yes, he is having an affair but never goes too far - Perhaps you may say I'm silly, but I respect him for his reservation - that he is attached, he has to refrain his behaviour and emotions. I wanted to become his friend - instead of having this physical infatuation with him, however it seems he doesn't want that - he is afraid of by getting knowing each other well, he couldn't resist a true affair.
I like him - but not a life-time lover. I rather keep it as friendship.

I have been having conversations with Phillip - the Biology Professor in New Jersey that I've known for 6 months. I enjoy conversations with him; we share same cross-cultural interests, humane concerns; however it has never been real - I just find it is lack of something, I guess it is because we have never met. We come to an understanding that we must meet someday - for friendship or more, it doesn't matter - I keep it open.

I lost my phone on Sunday, 23rd of July.
Oh dear, Yes, all the numbers were gone. It's not too bad, I could still retrieve most of them from emails, previous backup - I sent an email to list of friends, requesting replies for contact numbers. Only a few sms-ed, most of them replied via emails.

Harry replied me 2 days ago. (he left a message on the previous post - I was surprised!!)
It cheered me up. Like used to be he sent me sms, wishing me good weekend, lots of kisses, good sleep...

Harry I still love you. If you are reading this, I have to tell you even though it's been more than a year since you left, I still love you. For the past few years, I didn't feel love - until I met you. You gave me the urge of loving someone again -even though you left so soon.

To be able to love is nice - and I do not ask for return. At least I know I could still love someone - that gives me courage to look forward for a relationship in future - even now.

Sex doesn't appeal to me as much as years back, it satisfies the instinct but not the heart -

I guess I would have to struggle more with the platonic sentiments then.