Mid-night Tête-à-tête with the Whore Self

*The following post consists explicit content. Please do not proceed if you do not wish to read them.*

2:15am. 12 Oct. 05

I could still feel the friction in my ass.
But it isn’t painful.
Anyone who would have witnessed the incident of the past three hour would definitely claim: lusty sex of a total bitch and 2 mother fuckers.
This afternoon K messaged me via msn, whether I’m free for a rendez-vous for the coming Friday. The very first time K prompted me with this kind gang-bang invite. I was surprised. The ‘organizer’, V was on the other line of msn, there I was invited for a joined conversation. The whole afternoon was tied up with work. I didn't have much time to flirt around. Anyway V gave me his number.
I called up V after knocking off. Dinner at SS2. Joining V and his pal, R.
V was straight forward and there went us, meeting up E, V’s friend.
We ended up in a motel in PJ. Two Indian and one Chinese. Both Indian are at their 40s.
I don’t know whether I have subconsciously, emotionally prepared what’s going to happen, or were it the rimmings, lickings, caressings set off the whore self in me.
2 of them fucked me. The last fuck I had was nearly a year ago. With K.
E wasn’t very much ready. His big cock wasn’t really much playing up the scene. Perhaps his full portion dinner had affected his performance, as what he claimed. V fucked me twice and came twice.

I heard my own moans. I wondered what kind of chemistry in me turned me into such a aggressive whore. My cum was all over his back.
E was good with his hands. Surprisingly, he was a certified physiotherapist. He almost gave me a full scale massage. Whereas V kept his mouth busy on my body.
Will I be the next super-mega whore in town?
Or the time of opening up the bottom-self in me has come?
These 2 questions flashed into my mind while I was home, sitting on the toilet bowl, having my ciggie.

I don’t know. It doesn’t bother me whether should I find an answer for it.
But I know the faraway H, another slut, as he claimed himself he is, could be fucking around with somebody, is always in my mind.

An Aquarian and a Piscean.
I happened to log into an astrology web the day before. It gave quite a good summary for what I have been looking forward from/ into H. He is somebody I want.
The idealistic Aquarian no longer misses the constant-changing Piscean. But he seeks what beyond the physical indulgences could give, an elevation of spiritual compassion. Whether H or not H, at the end of the day, is the characteristics that H carries which drew me to him.

So I guess missing someone or someone's qualities doesn’t contradict with the whory behaviours. What makes me a whore? It’s a reflection of rage in me about dissatisfaction in life? A revenge of frustration about the imperfection in me? A adventurous mind about how far can sex give? Simply something about my sex-addiction?
Aquarian tends to theorize, always.

Come back to reality.
Facing the conscious, listening to my own voices, telling what I really want.
Whether whore or not whore, it’s just an another sexcapade. It doesn’t come to me as a question.

Is like a long and on-going self struggles going to begin again. And I have to sustain till I hit the next breakthrough.