Struggling with the Sober

It was another Sunday passed. The weekend was rushy, the hometown neighbour auntie passed away after 10 months of fighting with cancer. We were close in a way - my mum was very close to her. We even had chinese new year eve's dinner together for the past 2 years! I wanted to see her off, waving goodbye, so I rushed back home - As she came to my dream and bid farewell the night after mum called in the Thurs morning, informed me auntie has passed away.

Having been playing games with the cafe Paul. I'm flirting with him - in a subtle way; sending pseudonym sms, acting as though I'm his supplier of serviette, food supplies, or even customers - sms that his boyfriend would not suspect, only he knows what it MEANS.

This morning, he appeared right after I sent him a sms. We kissed in the washroom. Paul, are you having an affair? I asked. Never never. we're just having little fun. he answered. I didn't remind him that how did he define 'affair'. He would come back in a couple of days time. he said as he was leaving the gallery.

It was just not real enough for me to hook on. Perhaps he was just after something new and fresh, as for me, Kisses that remind me of those of the days, especially Harry. Then we hook onto this unreal rendezvous. It's been a month.

i feel a bit exhausted. after another couple of months.